Unruly Affections

What do you do when you find a guy and he's everything you've been looking for? If you want my opinion, you do nothing. You don't want to look easy to get, but I'm also prone to stubbornness. The answer is to pray. There, that simple. End of blog.

But... our minds take over and our hearts get weaker. This guy consumes our thoughts, our quiet time, our prayer time, even the sermons are linked back to him. it's hopeless.

I wish I had an easy answer for what to do here. For me, God made it really simple. I was given (what should have been) a huge stop sign. I learned my affections were useless. He wasn't interested in dating anyone. Well, I thought... at least it's not that he has bad tastes in girls and is just too senseless to see how awesome I am. (sarcasm here... haha.) So, I got it pretty sweet. I was also very blessed to have decided to like a guy who was very willing to talk about how he felt about relationships, and good for me... I enjoyed a good conversation. We talked a lot about dating, marriage even. If we saw ourselves getting married (not to each other, but in general.), how we felt about casual dating, about relationships in general. The bad part... the more he talked about NOT wanting to date someone, the more I decided I wanted to date him. So, I did all I knew how to do:

I said, "Dear God, please make me stop thinking about Josh. It's annoying, I don't like it and it's stupid to like him because he doesn't like me." For real... that's what I prayed for. Our God is a God of miracles and I was in desperate need of one.

This isn't an easy thing to grasp, it still isn't for me. I stumble in keeping my mind from going astray, and trust me, it's a pretty imaginative one. But really, don't let yourself daydream about a guy until you have yourself convinced he's it. You don't decide who your Mr. Right is. If you're suppose to have one, God knows exactly where he is. It doesn't make sense to wander around when He's holding the map. I don't have much to say but that, you're mind is chaos when a guy gets involved. (If you are a guy reading this... flip the gender and go with it.) You know it's gone to far when you're coordinating wedding colors already. Stop yourself.

EE writes, "Bringing anything at all into order... involves some expenditure. Time and energy at least are required. Perhaps even labor, toil, sacrifice, and pain. The answer to the above- the bringing of our unruly wills and affections into order- will cost us something." The thing to ask yourself is this, if this person IS the one you believe God put on this earth for you, the person you are suppose to be with for the rest of your life, that one true love that you've been dreaming of forever, aren't they worth the extra time you'll put into praying about it? Time to pray and talk to God. Energy to continue, even when you're sick of waiting His decision out. Sacrificing an extra month or so of dating... just to be sure that this is The Lords will and not your own? I think it is, I know it is. February to August. From the time I allowed myself to even think the words, "I really like him" to a day in August to the soda shoppe. More prayer than I have ever put into a single decision, more emotion expended than I have EVER spent on a boy before, the minor pain of thinking this could all be in vain, sacrificing 2 months of seeing each other for summer, and a lot of opening up and being honest about what I really wanted. It was one of the most roller coaster, up and down times in my life. But I would go back and do it all over again. The lessons I learned about trusting God, about faith in His plans, and about giving it all up to Him are things I would never trade in a million years.

"Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of the world, our hearts may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen."
-the book of common prayer, 5th Sunday in lent